When “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough!

FROM:  Suzanne & Steve

We would like to pass along some very important communication advice.  In a happy, healthy, conscious relationship sometimes “I’m sorry” just isn’t enough to resolve a hurt.  At times it just seems “too easy” and can even sound trite and insincere.  So our good friends and mentors, Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of the classic relationship manual “Conscious Loving,” suggest the following:

Ten Communications that Heal Relationship Conflict(note that none are “I’m sorry” or “I love you”)

1. I appreciate you for ___.  

2. I’m scared that ________.  

3. Even though I’m convinced I’m right, I could be wrong about _______.  

4. I’m thinking that what’s missing from our lives is _____________.  

5. I’m sad about my actions and loving connection with you.  

6. It sounds as if you are saying _____.  

7. This reminds me of ___.  

8. What I really want is __. 

9. What can I learn from this?  

10. Thank you for _____. 

Try these when “I’m sorry” doesn’t seem like enough to resolve a hurt.  Your relationship will grow closer and happier as a result.


About the author

Suzanne Kilkus

Suzanne Kilkus is a Soto Zen meditation practitioner and teacher and has practiced as a therapist and counselor for over three decades. She is dedicated to assisting people in expanding their capacity for giving and receiving love, and for recognizing and expressing their basic goodness in everyday life. Her path to live with wholehearted compassion and care is an invitation to everyone. She is a teacher with Open Door Zen Community in Madison, WI.